I gave up coffee for Lent and the main difference that I’m noticing is my appetite increase. Basically, it means that the bowl full of chocolates at work that I had previously ignored I now hear calling out to me. And I have been answering.
When I had initially decided to quit coffee it was mostly because I thought that quitting coffee would prompt me to drink more tea. I saw coffee as my one big vice. Okay, alcohol trumps coffee but we’re going by frequency here. I had coffee 2-3 cups every day. I thought that I could swap my coffee habit for a much healthier tea habit!
Not so. Turns out quitting coffee awakened the chocolate and nut eating beast living inside of me. Bad News Bears. I thought quitting coffee would inspire healthier habits. Evidently, coffee (w/creamer) has been suppressing my appetite and satisfying my sweet tooth. And so, I want it back. Unfortunately, everybody knows that I gave the shit up and my pride is like, “fuck that! You’re doing this! You can’t let people think you are some weak willed fatty!” Because in my ED addled mind “weak will” and “fat fuck” are positively correlated. I feel like a failure if I quit. Except another part of me is thinking more along the lines of, “well that experiment backfired.”
I’m still debating what to do. I’m not even religious so whatever on that front. It’s more about this idea that I want to eat “perfectly,” or as close to it as possible. After a solid month of living like a Chocolate Monster I don’t think any magic is going to happen in these last 2 weeks. I’m really leaning towards “fuck this failed experiment.”