Home Sweet Home

I’m back. The last post messed up. The paragraphs and paragraphs that I had written didn’t post for whatever reason. They were profound too. Grammar was good. Impeccable spelling.  It was a wonderful post, believe you me. That shit would have changed lives! Yup. Sure was…

So Florida was great. The weather was beautiful. The house was beautiful. I was fat and got fatter because my body hates me or something. The universe is like “Fuck you bitch, you’re status is fat girl.” all with a stank face. The universe is being my frienemy and I don’t like it. But you know what I say to the Universe? Good, cuz if you knew already that would be Creepy. I say to the Universe that I’m the fatty engine that will! That’s right! I’m persevering and, by golly, we are gonna be BFFs!

In Florida the food situation had it’s ups and downs. The bad part was the quantity that I ate. I had a lot of nuts and a lot of booze. I also had some big, fatty breakfasts. I try not to count the breakfasts against me too badly since my mom and stepdad don’t really do lunch. The lack of lunch is what I blame for the constant snacking on the nuts. Also, that nuts are delicious, natures doritos, I always say. And the booze…WHAT?! IT’S VACATION! DON’T JUDGE ME!!! But having at least one cocktail everyday was not kind to my body. I don’t like that booze and bloat go together. This needs to change.

All in all, I don’t think I did so badly. My stepdad made eggs with some type of meat every morning. I would usually through some kind of veggies together and a couple of hard boiled eggs for lunch. And dinners I would make a salad and there was always some type of fish or steak or pork…something. Wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t drank and noshed on nuts so damn much!

I’m pretty sure I gained weight. It could have been much worse. When the cheetos, cheez-its or other junk was out I didn’t touch it. I had no desserts. While everyone else was having Snickers pie (or something), key lime pie, cheesecake and pumpkin pie I was drinking tea or having another cocktail. All the weeks of eating basically paleo made it easier to continue to eat paleo throughout the vacay. So all in all I suppose it was fine. I’m still bitter that I’m fat and got fatter though. I just have to keep reminding myself that it could have been much worse. I could have been bingeing and gaining and/or purging. The one night I puked the room was spinning so I think I get a pass on that.

All in all, I’m pretty pleased with the vacation. Considering where I’m at in my recovery (not far) I feel like this was a huge step.

I also realize that no matter how much I climb out of this ED Hell Hole I can just as easily fall right back down. I’m still trying to be very careful and play it safe. I try and stay focused on my routine. As lovely as it was to vacation in Florida, breakfast and coffee ready for me after waking from a good nights sleep (seriously, I want that mattress-it was HEAVENLY!), boat rides to our fishing spots, shooting pool, reading, long walks under the stars… I’m glad to be home. I’m glad to be back into the comforts of routine.

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