Today is so hard. That’s right IS, as in RIGHT NOW! I’m terribly cravey. I’ve been nonstop hand to mouth all day. I went to the grocery store and was putting items in my basket and then putting them back like a Crazy Person. A Crazy Person! The anxiousness has not gone away. I ended up with cucumbers in my basket. But the day is not over. I can still feel the Crazy buzzing around in my brain. Wanting something to puke. A cigarette helped a little, but it’s still there. I’m at war with myself. I hate this. It’s this feeling that makes me want to just do it and get it over with and move on to the guilt, remorse, bloat and fatness.
Trying to hold myself together is SO FUCKING EFFORTY! It’s not worth it. I know it isn’t but it’s this feeling that I hate so much that I want to get rid of. I know the longer I put it off the less likely it’s going to happen. I’ve been texting and perusing the net and reading…. I’m considering taking a bath and reading some more. But then there is a part of me that keeps me from that too, it’s pulling me towards the Get It Over With side of this war. I already feel fat and bloated (aka defeated) so may as well take it to the max, right? NO!!!! YESSS!!!
And I’m back. Because you are dying to know what was behind the proverbial curtains whilst reading elevator music (that’s right, you were reading it, there isn’t any audio on this blog! hah!), I’m going to tell you. I peed. And changed into yoga pants. And I’m feeling good, not all BattleVom Galactica.
Does this make me crazy or not crazy? Or just a different kind of crazy? In any case, I feel better now and I no longer want to puke so whichever crazy or non crazy I may be right now it’s good with me.
….bipolar crazy? WTF’s going on here?
ALSO, *HAPPY DANCE TO EYE OF THE TIGER!* cuz I WIN! I am WINNING! I’m a WINNER! That round has been WON! WOO!