Mall Mirror Madness

I am fat blubbery blob. I haven’t exercised in I dunno know how long and it’s increasingly evident. I know I need to get with the program and start moving. It is just so darn efforty! I only have a couple of hours before bedtime when I get home from work. Between commuting an hour each way and all my efforts into resisting the urges to NomVom and being all bloated/constipated I’m spent. And then there is me feeling all sad pants because I’m feeling huge and fat. And this is me being less huge and fat than when I started on this Paleo adventure. I haven’t lost much weight.

I went to the mall and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was appalled. I wanted to run and hide under the covers! I had increased feelings of wanting intense dieting and just NomVomming since, fuck it, I’m already fucking huge may as well eat like a fat fuck (and then throw it up, obvy). Fortunately, my head is a bit saner these days and more logical brains prevailed.

I had to remind myself of the long journey ahead of me to recovering and healing my body. Those stupid stunts are what got me so fat and awful in the first place and engaging in them would only hurt my body and mind further. One step forward and two steps back-no more!

The most difficult part of all this is acceptance. I don’t accept my body for what it is. I can’t find any of the beauty, it’s repulsive to me. And it doesn’t work right! I need a new digestive system. Hell, at this point I just need a new brain.

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