This is It

It is going to happen. I’m getting an apartment in June. Tours have been had, checks have written, documents signed, heels have been clicked and Magic has happened! I have a move in date and everything! It’s the Real Deal. Not just daydreams or a number on a list. This is lights, camera, and ACTION!  

My internet activity is predominately home decorating. Couches and TVs and dishes-oh my! Shits getting expensive…in my mind. My credit card doesn’t know what it’s in for in the months to come. Oh wait. It has a hint. I bought and iPad 3, as well. It’ll be delivered by an ugly brown truck on Tuesday! Somehow my apartment overshadowed this. iPad 3 < New Apartment.

Things are going well, even with ED. Behavior wise I’m doing pretty damn well! I’m sticking to eating Paleo and still loving it. Keeps me balanced, which I am grateful. I have no idea whether I’m losing weight because I still refuse to step on the scale. I also haven’t counted calories so who know what’s going on with those numbers. I haven’t been exercising. I know that I’m not gaining.It’s getting less scary as the weeks go by.

Between the new apartment and the improved state of my ED has increased my self confidence. I may still be heavy but I have less shame to carry. It feels good to be gaining my independence. It was so depressing knowing that I was barely holding myself together. Not being able to trust myself and hating me for it. Not that it is easy. Not that my mind doesn’t wander back and calculate a NomVom. I still struggle but the struggle is less struggly because my habits are changing.

However small my improvement may be it’s in the right direction. I’m shooting for long term goals. I’m going after what I want. Today I live for the tomorrows I dream of.

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One thought on “This is It

  1. High five on the less struggly struggles! You’re doing so well, I hope you’re super proud of you coz you’ve persevered and it’s paying off. 🙂

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